I really have come to love the Korean Culture, I have tried to embrace the people, places, cultural differences, food, and drink since arriveing. But there has also been some things that I found difficult to adjust to. This post is about one of them. It’s about the challenges of someone – namely me – who was raised in a society that stresses the importance of the individual, and who moves to a society that stresses the importance of family (or society) over the individual.
I’m not going to try and talk about which is better because frankly, I have no idea; they both have good and bad points. But I would love to share since arriving this fundamental difference in culture and society created challenges (mostly to my thinking) and also made my life more interesting and fun.
The USA, like most (if not all) western societies, stresses the importance of the individual. The US is perhaps the country with the strongest sense of this in the world. The laws and societal customs illustrate that the individual is paramount. Plus, I was raised to be very independent and to think for myself. This was very important to my mother and father, that both myself and my brothers do so. And so I grew up to be a very independent person. Thanks Mom and Dad!
Korea,is very different on the other hand, it stresses the importance of the family (and to a lesser extent, the collective or society). Part of this is because of the strong Confucian influence on Korean society. Because of this, many decisions are made by the family elder (the elder male in most cases) or by thinking about how it will affect the family.
Until I went to Korea, I always thought my family was close and a very important aspect of my life. I visit my parents as often as I can. not as much as I would like but as much as work, money and life will permite – when I lived in US My parents, brothers, and I would talk weekly. Since I have moved abroad we still make time every sunday to skype for an hour or so to keep up. I’ve always spent quality time with them – I travel to ohio every year to watch the State Wrestling tournament with my family or we go hiking, play games, or just plan hang out with each other. I always call and tell them about any important decision or event in my life and often ask for advice even if I don’t always follow what they say. But when I talk to them or ask for advice, it’s more for guidance or for a different perspective, there’s no expectation (on either side) that I will always (or even sometimes) do what they suggest.
Things are different in Korea. And before I get into more depth on how things are different, let me state that this is simply a general observation… it’s by no means true for all Koreans, nor am I trying to say if it’s a good or bad thing. Disclaimer aside, let’s get into the details! Traditionally, family is patriarchal and very important to the fabric of society in Korea. In fact, the family is probably the most important aspect of Korean life – filial piety is definitely encouraged! In Confucian tradition, the father is the head of the family and it is his responsibility to provide for the family, and to approve the marriages of his children. Confucian belief strongly encourages respect for family and elders and touts the importance of the male over female. Korean families were considered a “small society.” And so the idea of individualism generally wasn’t encouraged as the needs of the family were considered more important than that of the individual. First-born sons were/are responsible for taking care of their parents and younger siblings.
So how has this bit of culture shock affect me? Well, to be honest I still have a hard time understanding it. I was looking at things through my American eyes and simply couldn’t grasp when some friends were talking about how a 20-something female acquaintance could still have a curfew or why that same female was being pressured to quit her job because she needed to get married. I decided I needed to learn more about Korean culture to better understand.
I have talked to some Korean friends about this subject and tried to research the issue on my own. I have learned about Confucianism and its impact on Korean culture and I have grown to understand it a little better. And while I could never imagine breaking up with my girlfriend because my mother told me to, at least I could understand if this excuse was ever used on me.
Since being here I have found it goes beyond simple filial piety and duty. In modern Korea, many younger Koreans have to live apart from their parents because of work. So they often create a “family” of friends to keep that feeling of togetherness. And the whole country is almost like a large family. I honestly can’t imagine the USA – or any Western country for that matter – responding like Korea did when faced with a huge national economic/debt crisis in 1997 (referred to as the IMF crisis or simply IMF in Korea). Now if a family member or close friend needed financial help and I could help, I definitely would, (and have). But I can’t imagine donating my families gold jewelry to the Federal Reserve to help pay down our national debt. (No Way!) But that’s just what Koreans did. For more info, check out this BBC story. And if you really want to learn about the entire economic story behind it, check out this fantastic in-depth series of articles on Ask a Korean.
So this is my long, and very rambling post about one of the differences between United States and Korean society that I found most difficult to understand, but in a way have to admire it (even though it still often confounds me).
So interesting! Thanks for sharing cuz
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